


Tear Him Apart

by shnuffeluv



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Autistic Deceit Sanders, Child Abuse, Deceit Sanders-centric, Emotional Manipulation, Kid Deceit Sanders, Kid Fic, Kid Morality | Patton Sanders, M/M, Mocking, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Unsympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Unsympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22577722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/shnuffeluv
Summary: Dee kept his eyes closed, and willed the yelling to stop.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 14
Kudos: 118





	Tear Him Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a random memory that I received today. Make of that what you will.

The yelling was unbearable. Dee sat in his closet, in a tight ball on the floor, willing the yelling to stop as he cried. Daddy was mad again, and Dee knew that when Daddy got mad, he had to hide. If he didn’t, Daddy might ask a question, and Dee would answer, which would only make Daddy more angry. But no matter how much Dee knew the question was sarcastic or rhetorical, he always answered. Because questions were meant to be answered. But not when Daddy was angry.

Daddy had started mimicking whatever was making him angry, now, his voice high-pitched and sniveling before he blew raspberries and stomped around more, continuing to yell. Dee’s tears continued to fall. He hated when Daddy got like this. Weren’t parents supposed to be safe? Wasn’t he supposed to feel safe around his family, instead of wondering what trip wire he’d activate today?

The yelling died down, the stomping came closer until the door to Daddy’s room slammed. Dee flinched, almost whimpering. He knew this was routine. This happened every time Daddy got angry. Any minute Father would walk through the door, no doubt having Patton in tow, and they would sit on Dee’s bed, waiting out the storm.

Sure enough, the door to Dee’s room opened after a brisk knock of two raps on the door, and Dee could see shadows from where he sat with his closet door closed. “It’s okay to come out, Dee.”

Dee pushed the door open and slowly stood, walking out to see Father sitting on the bed, Patton next to him. Patton looked shaken, but Patton was two. It only made sense that he would be scared.

Dee slowly climbed onto the bed and let Father hug him. “You know that Daddy doesn’t mean to yell, right?” Father asked.

Dee nodded. He had been told as much many times before. All the times that Daddy yelled, Father said he didn’t mean it. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and sucked on it. He knew other kids his age didn’t do it, but it helped keep him calm, so he continued to do it.

They sat there for a bit, not talking. Eventually, Father left the room, to go talk to Daddy, and Patton left to go back to playing. Dee reluctantly left his room, going to his books and curling up on a corner of the couch to read. He liked to read a lot; stories were fun to listen to, and when he read he got those same stories and so many more!

He was almost in a good mood when Father walked out of his and Daddy’s bedroom, Daddy crying. Dee looked up and knew that the storm had passed. Now all that was left was the apologies. “I’m so sorry, Dee, Pat,” Daddy said. “You know I love you both, right? I never ever want to yell at you.”

Patton nodded from his spot on the floor and Dee nodded too. He knew that Daddy never meant it when he yelled. He just lost his temper a lot. He didn’t mean it when he yelled, or made fun of Dee, or Pat, or yelled at the radio or the TV when the announcer said something he didn’t like. He knew all of this already. But he also knew that Daddy needed to apologize. It was just what Daddy did. “It’s okay,” Dee said softly.

“It’s not, I shouldn’t have done it! Can you ever forgive me?!” Daddy said, starting to cry again. “I know I don’t deserve it, but can you ever forgive me?”

“Of course,” Father said, and Dee and Patton parroted the phrase.

“Thank you, Lo,” Daddy said, hugging Father tight.

Daddy came over to Dee and Dee swallowed his discomfort as Daddy hugged him and Dee hugged him back. This was just how everything went. It was normal. It was routine. Daddy would hug him, and hug Pat, and in an hour it would be like this had never happened.

Daddy went over to Pat and hugged him, and they played together while Dee went back to reading, and Father left to do whatever he was doing before. Probably watching sports.

Dee continued to read, all his tears spent. But he was still worried. His tummy was still in knots, and he felt like he might throw up. What happened if Daddy got mad again? What if that time Dee couldn’t get away to his room, to his closet? Patton was the golden boy of the family, not that Dee was old enough to understand that yet. He just knew that Patton wouldn’t be the one to get in trouble if Daddy got angry.

Dee didn’t yet know that his feeling of not belonging would be significant. He didn’t yet realize that Father and Daddy would probably love Patton more than him, when they grew up. He didn’t even yet know he was a he. But one day he would realize.

And it would take everything he had in him to not let that realization destroy him.

**Author's Note:**

> I won't put my usual comment spiel here, this time, but any and all comments are appreciated so long as you're kind.


End file.
